by Steve Adubato, PhD

Apologies are a funny thing. Some are accepted and some aren’t. Certain apologies are accepted by some, and not others. We have seen and heard a lot of apologies in the past few weeks.

Olympic hero Michael Phelps apologized for the embarrassing pictures of him apparently smoking a bong at a party. Further, Phelps’ representatives allegedly tried to squelch the photos by offering money to a British tabloid. The guy is only 23, but we expect a lot from our role models. Now his endorsements and financial future are on the line.

At least three potential members of the Obama administration had serious tax problems that they each apologized for. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner apologized for not paying taxes for what appeared to be four years, even though in his role as treasury secretary he is responsible for the IRS. Former Senator Tom Daschle who was nominated to serve as Secretary of Health and Human Services, also apologized for not paying over $150,000 in back taxes. Further, it looked like Daschle only remembered that he had to pay them once he was nominated by President Obama. Geithner got the job, but Daschle’s apology fell short and he dropped out this week. The president apologized using unusually candid language saying “I screwed up…” and “I take responsibility…”

Wall Street executives who were bailed out by the federal government and American taxpayers are now apologizing for their embarrassing bonuses, private jets and multi-million dollar office and bathroom remodeling. Talk about bad timing.

Consider a quick review of the dos and don’ts want apologizing:

People want you to apologize quickly. If it takes longer than 24 hours—especially in a high profile situation—we become suspect. When you do apologize, do it willingly in a proactive fashion, instead of waiting to have your back against the wall and after testing the public reaction to the situation.
When apologizing, we want specifics. What exactly are you apologizing for? Lawyers often tell their clients to be vague and general when apologizing. And if there is more than one thing to apologize for, they recommend apologizing for the least embarrassing mistake. Yet, communication experts know that apologies must be specific to be accepted. When using vague generalities in an apology, most audiences don’t buy it, because they are not convinced you are really acknowledging what exactly you did wrong.
We want to see those who apologize talk directly about what they are going to do to fix the situation, if possible. Just saying you are going to “fix it” isn’t enough. HOW are you going to fix it? How are you going to measure whether the same mistake is made again? It is easy to say, “I’m sorry. This isn’t going to happen again.” It is a lot harder to say, “I take responsibility and apologize for X and am going to do XYZ to make sure it never happens again.”
Apologies have to pass the credibility test. Sometimes no matter how sincere you can be when apologizing, if your offense or mistake is so egregious, it is going to fall on deaf ears. Consider corporate executives whose companies were bailed out by tax payers having the gall to give themselves massive bonuses after the fact and then get on corporate jets while their companies would have gone under if it weren’t for other people’s money. They knew what they were doing was more than wrong. It was indefensible. They just didn’t think they’d get caught, which makes them all the more clueless and why their apology misses the mark by a mile.