by Steve Adubato, PhD

As readers of this column know, I am a big advocate of full disclosure when communicating in a crisis. My book “What Were They Thinking?” examines a series of case studies in which corporations and individuals couldn’t seem to own up and take responsibility for their mistakes and apologize to those who had been hurt.

Yet, sometimes people in executive positions get the apology all wrong by disclosing way too much about things that most of us don’t want to hear.

Consider the case of the very blabby and overly communicative South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. As the world knows, Sanford had an affair with a woman he called his “soul mate” in Argentina. Up to this point, a very popular chief executive who was considered a rising national star, Sanford originally communicated a big fat lie to his staff and the voters of South Carolina when he disappeared for five days saying that he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail, when in fact he was in Argentina.

Later he was forced to acknowledge his affair in a much publicized press conference and went into great detail saying he had seen Maria Belen Chapur five times. First, who really cares how many times he saw her? But it doesn’t stop there. Under additional pressure to resign, Sanford communicated a whole lot more in these last few days in an in-depth interview with the Associated Press. He clarified that it was not five, but rather seven, times he had been with Chapur and that there are other women who he had “crossed lines” with over his 20 years of marriage.

Said Sanford; “What I would say is that I've never had sex with another woman. Have I done stupid? I have…” When pressed to explain he said, “You know you meet someone. You dance with them. You go to a place where you probably shouldn't have gone…If you're a married guy at the end of the day, you shouldn't be dancing with somebody else…So anyway, without wandering into that field, we'll just say that I let my guard down in all senses of the word without ever crossing the line that I crossed with this situation.” (His affair with Chapur.)

Governor Sanford then felt compelled to explain his relationship with this woman who is not his wife in great detail. “This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story…A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day.” Then this; “I will be able to die knowing that I have met my soul mate…” Yuck.

There are so many communication mistakes here. Full disclosure is one thing, but spilling your guts is quite another. The purpose of a public apology is not to purge your soul. Executives in both the public and private sector do find themselves in these embarrassing situations. But what value is there in telling the world (particularly your wife and your four children) that the person you had an affair with is your “soul mate.” Who cares? Why is that relevant to being the chief executive of a state or a company?

So when people say, “honesty is the best policy,” I say that a smart, effective communication strategy requires a lot more. Some communication is private and not for public consumption. That doesn’t make you dishonest; it makes you a discrete and practical communicator. It makes you someone who is sensitive to the feelings of all parties involved, particularly those who are closest to you.

The biggest lesson here is that too much information can ruin a heartfelt and sincere apology. Spilling your guts may make YOU feel better, but should never be confused with an effective communication strategy. For everyone’s sake, Governor Sanford, please stop talking. What WERE you thinking?