By Steve Adubato, PhD
Feedback is a funny thing. We love it when someone tells us how great we are or what a great job we’ve done. It is easy to accept that kind of feedback. It reinforces how we want to be perceived in the eyes of others. But the truly great presenter, communicator and leader is a person who can accept and in fact embrace the feedback that is hard to hear. I am talking criticism from someone who is objective and candid and tells us that we stunk up the joint or didn’t get the job done. This can happen in a one-on-one situation with your boss who tells you that you gave a terrible presentation or the meeting that you lead was uninspiring. But it can also happen with an audience of hundreds if not thousands who communicate clearly that they just don’t like your act.
Consider the case of comedian Sarah Silverman, who is used to getting feedback and reviews calling her one of the funniest performers around. However, like most of us who get judged by others when we communicate in public, we don’t always hit the ball out of the park. Silverman performed this past week at the Hammersmith Apollo in London, in front of 3,500 people packing the theater who paid $100 or more for a performance that had been promoted for weeks. The only problem was, Silverman did between 35 and 40 minutes of material and when she announced the show was over, the crowd was stunned and started to boo.
Many were chanting that they wanted their money back. Others yelled “you are over hyped Sarah.” To appease the unruly crowd giving her very negative feedback, Silverman reappeared on stage with her post-show slippers saying she didn’t have any more material but she would be willing to do a Q&A. That quickly flopped with more fans booing and many others leaving. One fan yelled out “I’ve seen longer clips on YouTube.” According to the BBC, Silverman got very defensive and yelled to the crowd to “go home” and then put an exclamation point by offering this gem; “F*** this.”
According to London Times reviewer Dominic Maxwell, who was there for the performance, there was no excuse for Sarah Silverman’s negative reaction to a crowd that was simply asking for more. Said Maxwell, “As Silverman stalked the stage, appearing to resent her crowd for wanting more, it was the eggiest end to a comedy show I’ve ever seen…she blew it.”
This moral here isn’t about comedy. It is about all of us who can be defensive and react negatively when we get feedback that hurts. Granted, criticism is hard to hear, but the best thing you can do is to take a breath and realize you can’t argue or debate with someone who thinks you haven’t gotten the job done. You are not going to convince them that you were good if they think you were bad. Your best bet when communicating in public, whether it is in business or any other arena, is to graciously accept the feedback even if you don’t agree with it. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to apologize for people’s disappointment.
Further, when presenting in public, if you sense you are in fact losing the crowd, you have to step up your game. Simply put, when receiving negative feedback you need to raise your communication to a different level. Add more passion. Give more of yourself. Become more engaged. Work harder to connect with your audience and maybe, just maybe, they will appreciate the effort, even if your game is a little bit off. Defending yourself and resisting negative feedback only guarantees a bad outcome. Just ask Sarah Silverman who owed her audience a lot more.