By Steve Adubato, PhD
Much of how we perceive people is about their non-verbal communication. In this much-analyzed and fascinating presidential campaign, it’s not just what you say that matters, but how you look or come off when you say it. Words matter, as does making cogent arguments. But particularly in debates or forums, be they in a campaign or in a corporate board room, body language and the way we carry ourselves has a significant impact on our audience.
In the recent series of face to face confrontations between John McCain and Barack Obama, their non-verbal communication was revealing. To many observers, McCain, while passionate, seemed to some to border on angry and frustrated. He often frowned or rolled his eyes, sighed in exasperation, or grimaced.
As for Obama, I’m convinced he has worked hard to not allow his emotions to show. He smiled and had direct eye contact at McCain, even when being criticized. Of course what the candidates said matters a great deal, but our perception of them is significantly influenced by how they “present.” Many studies have shown less than 10 percent of how our message is received is in the actual words we use, while over 90 percent involves such things as eye contact, hand gestures, facial expressions and the way we walk, stand, etc.
People can agree or disagree with a particular candidate, yet, our overall impression of Barack Obama, John McCain, Sara Palin and Joe Biden also is a product of how much we like them. And likeability is a very subjective thing often involving many “physical” communication factors. Do they come off as too aggressive, passive, awkward, unhappy, perky, cranky, uncomfortable, or cocky? The CNN survey immediately after the last presidential debate said that 70% of those who watched said that Obama was more “likeable.” How much of that was about his non verbal communication? A lot.
So, what does all this mean to the rest of us who are often competing for leadership positions, opportunities as well as looking to build sales relationships? How do we become aware of what our body language is saying to others? How do we better understand whether our non-verbal communication is in sync with what we actually say? Most professionals are oblivious to these things, which is a big part of the problem. We don’t consider what we communicate physically. To the female executive who plays with her earrings or flips her hair back incessantly, does she understand that people may not take her as seriously as she would like? To the guy who is going in to make the sale while jiggling the change in his pocket or not looking you in the eye, does he comprehend that he is killing the deal?
The first step is to become more aware of our non-verbal communication. We need to have the commitment and the desire to improve our communication skills to the point where we are willing to ask those closest to us to identify what specific non-verbal / body language habits are disturbing or irritating. No one wants feedback that doesn’t confirm how great we are. But how will you ever improve as a communicator and leader if you don’t identify your areas where you can improve? It is not going to happen by osmosis or by experience. In fact, without this direct and hard to hear feedback, you are likely to repeat the same non-verbal communication mistakes over and over again, thereby unintentionally turning off many key stakeholders.
So ask yourself. How am I presenting myself to the world? If you need help, write to me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and I’ll try to help. I know I am still working on it. Hopefully we can help each other.