By Steve Adubato, PhD

Losing it. Blowing your cool. Acting like a jerk in public. Overreacting. Pouting, complaining, yelling…you get the picture. We’ve all been there. And often, we wish we could rewind the tape and play that scene over again. But that’s impossible.

What we may not realize is that when we “lose it” we communicate on many levels. A BBC study found that 55% of all human communication is based on body language, while 38% is based on vocal inflection and tone. Our actual words equal 7% of the communication game.

One of the places where body language, as well as our vocal tone and inflection, speak volumes is on the golf course. They can happen in any arena, including the workplace. In many ways golf is like the game of life. Stuff happens and much of it is unexpected and unwelcome. It’s what you do with it that matters. Consider the following examples of “losing it”—

• You miss a 3- foot putt that you know you should make. You immediately drop your putter (or throw it) and loudly blurt out; “@#$%! I hate this game! Why did I even play today?”

• You hit what you think is a perfect shot. As the ball is heading directly to the green, it takes a bad bounce into the sand trap. The golfer starts complaining about the unfairness of it all. Shaking his head, he bellows; “You’ve got to be kidding me! That was a great shot! What kind of bounce was that? When will I catch a break?” The other golfers (trying to play their own game) are thinking to themselves; “What a jerk. Does he think he’s the only one who gets a bad break?”

• You are on the tee, where it’s supposed to be quiet. But as usual, that’s nearly impossible because others are playing. Just as a golfer is about to hit the ball, he hears the sound of another golfer. He hits his ball into the woods. Oh no, he’s going to lose it again! “That’s it!,” he says, as he takes his driver and hits it into the ground—really hard, and the shaft of the driver cracks. Head down, he mumbles to himself. Just then, another golfer asks him if he knows where HIS driver is. Apparently, the guy put his driver in the angry golfer’s bag, which he used mistakenly and is now broken.

Oh yeah, one more thing— the golfer, who “lost it” in these situations is the same guy writing this column. Of course, I immediately apologize and offer to get my friend’s driver fixed in the pro shop. But the damage is done. While the others in the group laugh hysterically, the guy with the broken driver fails to see the humor. I feel embarrassed and disappointed with myself, and of course apologize again until my friend says to me; “Please Steve, enough. Don’t remind me. Just drop it.”

Why do I share these golfing anecdotes? Because they, in fact, do communicate volumes about us. I’m not proud of them and clearly, even though communication is my business, I still have a lot of work to do. No matter what we SAY, it’s often how we ACT that communicates the most powerful messages to others. Losing it, letting your temper get the best of you, and blaming other people or things for your own mistakes is a no-win proposition. It gets you more frustrated and it doesn’t help your relationships with others.

But why do so many of us “lose it” over such stupid things? If you’ve “lost it” and wish you could take it back, write to me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. We can all learn together.