By Steve Adubato, PhD

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how exactly we connect with others, especially in the world of business. The economy is tough, people are nervous and therefore our ability to build strong relationships with clients, customers and prospects is more important than ever.

Yet, talking about connecting is one thing; actually having a game plan to do it is quite another. In preparation for an upcoming Star-Ledger seminar called “Make the Connection,” I identified some of the most practical and tangible tools and techniques that will help any professional looking for direction. So let’s talk making the connection.

First rule, attitude really IS everything. This isn’t just an expression, or some aphorism to stick on a bulletin board in your office. It is a way of life. It is an approach to dealing with all the disappointments, rejection and things that just don’t go our way in business. It really isn’t what happened to us that matters, but rather how we deal with it.

When a sale doesn’t go your way, do you sulk, complain and criticize the prospect? Or, do you figure out what you could have done better and how you can graciously accept “no” for an answer (for now) but communicate clearly that you are there to be helpful if the need arises.

When you start a meeting, what is your attitude? Is it upbeat, positive and energetic? Your attitude kicking off a meeting greatly impacts the attitude of everyone else. So it is not simply that you have difficult things to discuss on the agenda, but rather what your attitude and approach is to dealing with them.

Relax…Everyone gets nervous speaking in public. It’s true. Don’t freak out about being nervous. Acknowledge it and figure out how to channel that anxious energy and your nerves in a different direction. Instead of saying to yourself; “I’m so nervous about this presentation,” try, “Okay, I’m a little nervous, but I am really passionate and excited about helping my audience deal with the challenge they face. I know this stuff.”

The key is to think about helping people solve their problems as opposed to having to know everything about a particular topic. Then just breathe and get into the moment. Your nervousness will diminish faster than you think.

Listen…Really listen! I’m not talking about the appearance of listening by nodding your head. It is about truly being in the moment and blocking out as much “static” as possible. Tell yourself; “I’m making a decision to really pay attention to what is being said because there is a good chance I can learn something new and valuable.” Listening is a decision. It just doesn’t happen when you are on “auto-pilot.”

Think relationships…Not sales. Of course there is pressure to sell and make deals. We all feel it every day. Yet, the reality is most of our sales and repeat business comes from making a commitment to building a relationship with a customer. This takes consistent communication, follow up and follow through. It is remembering that it is about THEM, not you, and that even if you do make the sale today, and then take it for granted, when the time comes to renew, there is a good chance you will be out in the cold, starting from scratch. When you think relationships—particularly long term ones—opportunities create themselves and your bottom line will grow.
How do you make the connection with key customers and stakeholders? Write to me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or we can share our ideas about “making the connection” on May 7 between 8 a.m. and 10 a.m. at Seton Hall University’s Stillman School of Business.