By Steve Adubato, PhD
It’s a bit early for spring cleaning, but it is never too soon to empty the communication mailbag. Here’s a sampling of some of the more challenging questions we received.
Q: I will be emceeing a talent show in my school in a few weeks. The organizers have asked me to have some backup plans ready in case there are blackouts or other technical difficulties, etc. I thought of preparing some jokes, but in the past you have mentioned it might be best for people in this situation to not crack jokes. Do you have any advice on how I might handle such difficulties if and when they arise?
A: Here is the deal on jokes. Don’t use them unless they are proven laugh getters in other situations in front of a variety of audiences. It is a high risk move with little upside reward. For most communicators, canned comedy is out of our league. Leave it to the professionals.
Beyond that, go into the talent show or any event with a personal anecdote or story about one of the participants or something about the show itself that connects to you and/or your audience. Further, jot down three bulleted points that you can save if you need to stall for time. Finally, stay in the moment when things go awry. Don’t feel pressed to be witty or say exactly the right thing. Just react and respond and trust your instincts.
Q: I was at a recent networking event and noticed the rudeness of almost all parties at the event as people were looking around the room to see what conversation they might be missing. It was as if they were seeking the “better” connection. Am I not being fair or has rudeness and almost desperation to connect with others become common networking behavior?
A: I call this “cocktail party eyes.” Unfortunately, it is very common. The idea that you are going to make a better connection with someone else across the room is flawed on many levels. First, it turns off the person you are talking to, who is likely to tell others how rude you are. Further, you are going to have to break into a conversation that the other person is having, which may cause you to look rude again.
Another problem is that if the person you are looking to meet sees that you’ve blown off the previous person you are speaking to, it communicates all the wrong messages about you as a person. Think about it. Who wants to be ignored or passed over? You don’t, so why would you do it to someone else?
Q: In response to your recent column on Barack Obama’s speaking skills, I wanted to add that Obama has the tremendous ability to read audience non-verbal clues, and reacts to them in “real time.” This allows him to think on more levels simultaneously and to sense the rate at which listeners are able to hear, absorb and reflect upon. How can we train ourselves to be more aware of our audience when communicating?
A: Former General Colin Powell once told me in an interview about how he communicates that the key is to “get into your audience”. General Powell said you must have a sense of where they were coming from. His point is well taken. The more you can have a feeling for your audience, the more you can connect with them in the same vein Barack Obama appears to be doing. It doesn’t matter the size of the audience or the venue in which you are communicating. Everyone wants to feel that personal connection to the speaker. The more your audience feels that you are on the same page with them, the greater the likelihood your message will get through.