By Steve Adubato, PhD
In the world of communication, silence often sends a powerful message. Not saying a word in certain situations speaks volumes, whether it is in a presentation, a negotiation, or in a heated debate or argument with a co-worker or family member. Yet, silence is a communication tool that few professionals really understand how to use. Let’s take a closer look:
Q: What exactly does silence communicate?
A: Think of the expression; “the strong silent type.” In early Hollywood years, the term “strong silent type” was coined to describe male actors who would communicate strength and confidence without saying a word. More recently, think about actors like Robert De Niro or Al Pacino, especially in movies like The Godfather I and II. Their silence says so much to so many. The same thing is true in business. If you are asked a question and you don’t immediately respond it could communicate many things. You could be thinking, angry, uncomfortable or just not sure what you want to say. Silence can also intimidate and dominate your audience.
Q: Why is it that most professionals don’t know how to use silence as a communication tool?
A: Because we don’t think about it much. We think communicating is simply talking nonstop in a linear fashion—no pauses, no planned silence, no hesitation, no rhythm—just talking randomly. We are not aware of how we are being received and perceived by others. We don’t consider that being silent when being introduced to a large and boisterous crowd has the potential of silencing your audience and getting them to focus more on you and your message. Our lack of understanding of the power of silence is indicative of how most professionals miss subtle communication tools and techniques that can help them on so many levels. It’s why we ramble endlessly without stopping to check in with our audience.
Q: What specific impact does silence or pausing have in a presentation or speech?
A: It helps you as a communicator to pace yourself and breathe. It allows you to organize your thoughts and emphasize one point or another. It builds anticipation in your audience and allows them to follow your message. We are so used to constant sound. We need to learn to see silence or pausing as similar to the “white space” in a print ad in a newspaper, magazine or billboard. Too many words without enough “white space” can cause a message to be lost. The same thing is true of words. Pausing and silence creates the “white space” to put those words in context and have them jump off the page.
Q: But can’t pausing or silence be uncomfortable or awkward?
A: Only if you let it. We put to so much pressure on ourselves to think of the perfect or correct thing to say, that as soon as we experience a second or two of silence, we panic. This often causes us to say things we wish we hadn’t, without thinking them through. Words just flow from our mouths without any focus and we often pay the price later. However, if when experiencing silence we took a breath and said to ourselves; “What am I thinking right now? How do I feel? What do I want to say? What does my audience want and need to hear right now?” then we would project more confidence and a greater comfort level. These techniques will help the person you are talking to feel more at easel. So it is not the silence or pausing that is the problem, it is our reaction to it and our fear of it. Getting comfortable with and incorporating the sound of silence into our everyday communication will pay huge dividends in the world of communication and in our everyday conversations.