By Steve Adubato, PhD
Pushy communication doesn’t connect. Consider the scene. Two long-time business associates, Joe and Jim are deep in conversation at a cocktail reception. As they talk about an upcoming event that both are actively involved in, two women approach them while one says to Jim; “Hi, I’m Jane Jones and this is my colleague Sally Smith. We’ve tried to reach out for you several times to get you to speak at our organization. You never responded. I know you are speaking at the reception tonight, so we’ll call you next week and try to work out the arrangements for you to come to our next event.”
Taken aback, Jim says, “It’s nice to meet you. This is my colleague Joe. Here is my business card. My assistant’s name is Betty…” Jim is immediately cut off when Jane responds, “But I want to talk directly to you…” Stop right there. Some important questions need to be asked about the difference between assertive and pushy communication.
Q: Where exactly did Jane go wrong in her communication approach?
A: Everywhere. She rudely interrupted a conversation that she wasn’t a part of. She didn’t acknowledge Joe just because she was so focused on getting Jim to do something for her and her organization. Further, she criticized Jim for not responding to previous requests, which couldn’t have made him feel good. She was obnoxious and too pushy, which is never good for business or building relationships. Being assertive is a very different matter.
Q: What SHOULD Jane have done if she really wanted to connect with Jim in this situation?
A: She should have waited for a more opportune time to speak with Jim. For example, when Jim walked away from his conversation with Joe, she could have casually approached him saying; “Excuse me, you’re Jim Smith, aren’t you? I’m Jane Jones from XYZ Company. Do you have a moment?” In the actual scenario, Jane never asked Jim anything. She just charged right in, making demands and criticizing him for what she perceived as being non-responsive. Instead, she should have complimented him; “Jim, our organization meets monthly and we would be honored if you could speak to our group. I know you have a busy schedule, but our members would get so much out of it. Who should we call in your office to try and work it out?”
Q: How should Joe and Jim have dealt with such Jane’s pushy communication approach?
A: Jim handled it well. He made sure to introduce his business associate and in turn politely made it clear to Jane how best she could communicate with him in the future. It would be understandable if either Jim or Joe had said, “Excuse me, we were in the middle of a conversation. Could you please wait until we are finished?” That may sound abrupt to some, but when it comes to certain overly pushy communicators, they need to be stopped in their tracks. Anything more subtle will be lost on them.
Q: This seems like an obvious example of someone overstepping the normal communication boundaries, yet it happens so often in everyday business. Why?
A: Many so-called professionals are oblivious to simple communication etiquette or tact. They think being aggressive and direct, no matter the situation, is the only approach. Further, such pushy communicators are rarely confronted and challenged. They may not even understand how much they turn others off and shut down the potential for building a productive business relationship. Additionally, few organizations provide a realistic communication skills assessment of their people, much less a plan for improving in certain areas. It’s often assumed employees know how to communicate in a professional fashion. Yet, when it doesn’t happen, a huge price is paid both by the person and the organization she represents.