by Steve Adubato, PhD

Last week, I wrote about a miscommunication incident at my local Starbucks over a cup of coffee.

But whether its ordering coffee or a nationally publicized and highly controversial incident involving Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates and the Cambridge police department, much of it comes down to communication or miscommunication.

Last week, I asked readers to write to me with examples of where they just weren’t on the same page with their audience. Not surprisingly, there was lots of interesting reaction.

Becky B. from Toms River writes:
My job is to train new receptionists at my company. Initially, I suggested that they take notes as I explained their responsibilities. But they refused, claiming that they would remember everything, but they remembered nothing! So I typed our company’s procedures in great detail for them to follow, but there were still problems. Steve, how would you suggest teaching someone new on the job?
Becky B., I can’t argue with your approach. But from my own experience trying to manage and lead, no matter what we do, people are going to interpret things based on their own frame of reference. What seems simple and basic to you may be complicated and confusing to someone else. I would love to offer you some fool-proof advice, but when it comes down to communication, it is not a science. At best, it is a very unpredictable craft.

Alexandra from Wildwood, NJ writes:
I was diagnosed with two fibroids in 2007. My doctor said I would only need surgery if they got larger. Six months later, my discomfort got worse. I saw a different doctor who prescribed me shots and pills. There was some relief, but I was not cured. Meanwhile, I lost my job and, subsequently, my health insurance.

I was one month into unemployment when I started having health problems again. I called my doctor, she sent me for a CT scan and determined that I needed surgery, but she couldn't do it now because I have no health insurance. Talk about not being on the same page!

Alexandra, when it comes to health matters, effective communication is a huge part of the equation. The fact is, doctors make mistakes. My advice to you, as a patient, is to over-communicate your symptoms, even if the doctor says he or she knows enough to make a diagnosis. It is your health. It is your body. We as patients must take more control in the way we communicate in a health care situation.

Christine Young from Livingston, NJ writes:
I was in a nice restaurant and when the waiter came to take my order. I said, "I'd like the Yellow Tin Funa". Not missing a beat, the waiter responds, "We don't have ‘Yellow Tin Funa’, however, we DO have ‘Yellow Fin Tuna’”. I looked at him with a big smile as everyone at the table went into a fit of giggles.

Christine, the key is to be able to laugh at yourself when you make a communication “faux pas” like that. Keep laughing at yourself in these situations. I like your attitude.

Gerry P. from Allentown, NJ writes:
When I was a kid, I was trying to get into the bathroom my mother was in. She yelled for me to "wait outside." Instead of waiting outside the door, I literally went outside on the porch! It’s funny how things can be taken literally.

Gerry, this is a good one. My sense is that you are not alone. There are countless situations where we just aren’t on the same page on the most basic domestic circumstances.

Thanks to everyone who wrote about “getting on the same page”. We could all learn a lot from each other.