by Steve Adubato, PhD

I was talking to a vice president of an insurance company the other day who was looking forward to having a long awaited meeting with the new CEO of his organization. He was so excited and nervous before the meeting. As the day got closer, he continued to build a list of “things I want to talk to the new boss about”. Unfortunately, on the morning of the meeting the new boss’s secretary called and said, “John, I know you were scheduled to sit with Bill for an hour, but unfortunately his schedule is really tight and we can only fit you in for 30 minutes.”

Obviously, the guy had no choice. A 30 minute meeting with the new CEO is better than no meeting at all. But here is the tough part. By the time John got into the meeting, his head was so filled with information—so many items on his agenda—that when he sat down, he just started talking, and talking and unfortunately, talking. He moved from one item to the other and kept saying things like, “Just one more thing…”

The new CEO was losing his patience, but the vice president didn’t see it. And, if he had, I’m not sure he would have known how to stop. He had no plan B. Finally, time just ran out and the new CEO said; “John, thanks for coming in. You’ve given me a lot to think about. We’ll talk again in the future.”

But is that what he really meant or was he thinking; “How could this guy come into my office and dump all this information on me in our first meeting?” Fact is, what John REALLY should have done was have two or three main points, but also have two or three probing, but especially relevant, open-ended questions that would get his new boss talking.

When I asked John why he took the approach he did, he said, “I had so much to tell him.” Wrong. This may be the number one communication faux pas made by many who think the goal is to share as much information as possible as opposed to establish a foundation for a constructive and meaningful relationship with someone who you are going to have to work with for many years.

Further, the larger communication goal is to also create a positive first impression. Think about it. The next time the CEO meets with his vice president, is he really going to look forward to it?

Great communication is less of a quantitative equation and more of a qualitative one. How meaningful was the dialogue? Does your new boss see you as someone to interact with and solve problems together? Are you someone who listens and responds appropriately? Or, are you a blabbermouth who rambles without much focus? I call it communication triage. If you were in an emergency room with 30 people, the guy with the broken arm is going to wait to be treated when the guy comes in with the heart attack. That’s triage. In communication, if you have eight points you want to make, which is the number one point and why?

You don’t have the luxury, much less the time, to talk about all eight points. Communication triage is about making tough decisions and prioritizing. Those who do it well benefit greatly by being seen as focused, targeted and productive. Those who don’t, are often avoided like the plague or tolerated at best.