by Steve Adubato, PhD

In last week’s column, I promised a list of challenging questions that will help you better gauge how you are communicating and connecting with others and improve in the New Year. Here goes.

--Are you listening? No, I mean, are you REALLY listening? To what degree are you making a conscious decision to focus, concentrate and be in the moment when someone is talking to you? It is so easy to go through the motions, but when we do, we pay a heavy price. We miss important messages, nuance and communicate that we are just not that interested. Great listening is hard work, but it will pay huge dividends. Commit in the New Year to be a more engaged listener.

--How responsive are you in your communication? Do you let your e-mail sit there or wait to return a call for a few days or not at all? We communicate very clearly based on how and when we respond to those who are trying to connect with us. Of course some business associates are more important than others, and certain issues are time sensitive, but too often by not responding in a timely and direct manner, we negatively impact our relationships, which often comes back to haunt us when we are the one reaching out.

--How receptive are you to feedback? More specifically, how do you handle criticism? In last week’s column I made a dumb mistake when I used “perspective investors” when I should have written “prospective investors”. Several readers took the time to write and tell me about the mistake. A few even noted the irony of a communication expert using language that communicated the wrong message by using the wrong word. Of course, I was embarrassed, but the feedback helps. Hopefully it will make me a better writer.

--Are you communicating proactively in the workplace? In meetings, when there is an issue being discussed and you have something to contribute, do you? Or, do you hang back because it’s easier? If you are uncomfortable with raising an issue or a question, do you give into those feelings or do you fight through it because on a deeper level you know you have something to say? In 2010, commit to speaking up and being more proactive.

--At work, do you ask for help? Are you delegating and acknowledging that you are overwhelmed? Taking it all on yourself because “if you want it done right you have to do it yourself” never works. You will lose sight of the big picture and certain things will slip through the cracks. Further, this leadership style communicates that you don’t trust those around you. Why not choose one activity or function to delegate to a team member? Pick carefully and don’t micromanage. You will be a better leader and a lot less stressed.

--Are you a communication zombie with your family? I’ve done it. Sometimes when we are tired, preoccupied or just not into it, we don’t put in the energy needed to connect with family members. Are you letting loved ones know how you are feeling, or what is bothering you? Are you asking about them? Are you reading to your kids at night when you can barely keep your eyes open? Do you make time to talk with your spouse or partner? Of course it can be hard work and you would rather shut down or tune out. We all do it. But when it becomes a consistent pattern, nothing good happens.