By Steve Adubato, PhD

Last week we explored why people in positions of authority break promises and commitments. We also talked about the best ways to communicate that a promise can no longer be kept. But what do you do if you are the one who has had the promise made to you and then broken? A raise, a new office, that extra staff you've been asking for or the big sales deal. It doesn't matter what the particular promise was, all that matters is that the promise was broken and now you are out in the cold. What's worse, the person who broke the promise is now aloof, distant and non-communicative. You are not only frustrated, but you are angry. You are thinking, "what's the deal here? You're the one who made the commitment to me. Just tell me what's going on."

We've all been there, and even though it's "just" business, it hurts. It also can do a number on your self confidence. If this scenario sounds familiar, consider the following tips:

First, the fact is some people in positions of authority are just inconsiderate. They aren't going to lose any sleep over breaking a promise to you. As hard as it may be, sooner or later you have to accept that you can only do so much to resolve the issue or change the outcome.

Remember how it feels to be on the short end of one of these promises and resolve not to do the same thing when you are in a position of authority. Treat others the way that you would want to be treated. What goes around sometimes really does come around.

Decide how many calls you'll make to the promise breaker and when they go un-returned…stop! Every call you place that is un-returned will only make you feel worse about yourself and remind you how angry you are about what has happened.

Same thing with e-mails or letters, except you can and should be more specific than when leaving a phone message. Sometimes it is not the number of e-mails or letters, but the tone you set in your communication; "Hi, Bob, my understanding was that we had an agreement about this. Did I misunderstand? I don't want to assume anything, but I'm a bit confused by how this has played out. Can you clarify things for me?"

Screaming, shouting or whining won't work. You can be passionate in your communication while remaining professional. Don't give the promise breaker the opportunity to make your communication style the issue, thereby diverting attention from their less than professional or considerate handling of the situation.

If you do get a chance to talk either directly or via phone or e-mail with the promise breaker, make sure you know exactly what you want to say and what you are looking for out of it. Further, give the other person a chance to explain what has transpired then say your piece. Make sure you remain true to yourself and make it clear that the way things were handled doesn't represent the way you do business. In the end, be bigger than the promise breaker and make sure they know it in the tone and approach of your communication.

Finally, move on. Ultimately, future success is the best revenge against someone who has treated you badly in business. If a promise to you has been broken in the world of business, write to me and share how you handled it. We can all learn together.