by Steve Adubato, PhD

One of the easiest ways to lose someone’s interest or turn them off in a business situation is to make it clear that you are not listening. Being a great oral communicator is critical to business success. However, the expression “talk is cheap” speaks volumes. Further, have you ever heard someone say; “That’s a lot of rhetoric?” Obviously, these are not compliments. It is a lot easier to talk than it is to truly listen.

Conversely, we say, “silence is golden,” or we compliment someone by saying, “Jane really listened to me.” Simply put, we can learn so much more by listening, than by running your mouth a mile a minute.

Ruth Ann Marshall, as president of MasterCard International, one time described her success in life by making reference to her mother’s very sage advice; “You have two ears and one mouth, Ruth Ann. That means you should listen twice as much as you speak.” That’s about right. A 2:1 listening to talk ratio. Yet, how many people do we know in the world of business who have this equation totally reversed?

One of the most precious assets we have is time. We treasure it. We want more of it. We are frustrated when we waste it or worse, when others waste OUR time. When someone is not truly listening to us, we feel they are stealing our time. Too many people, both in business and in life, are in such a hurry to whatever is “next” on their agenda that they come across as distracted, disconnected and uninterested in what others have to say. (“Hey, could you put your Blackberry away while I am talking to you?”) This is killer in both building relationships and business success.

When people are in a hurry, they make us feel rushed. They communicate that we are not that important and, frankly, we don’t look forward to engaging them any time soon. Nothing good comes from being a lazy and disinterested listener.

While all of us could be better listeners, some of us are worse than others. But, everyone can learn from the following tips:

--When in a conversation, don’t be so anxious to speak when you think someone is finished. Wait a full second and pause before you begin your response or follow up question. Don’t fake it, actually do it. Let their comment sink in. This will help you get more focused in your own communication, but will also send the message that you care enough to absorb what is being said.

--When listening, don’t just focus on the words being said, but rather try painting a picture in your head of what you hear. If someone is describing a business challenge or situation, try to envision what it looks like, who is involved and how it is playing out. We don’t necessarily remember words, but we do remember images. The more we can paint those pictures in our head while we are listening, the more likely we are to be engaged and focused.

Being an exceptional listener is about a lot more than being silent. Some of the worst listeners never say a word. All they do is sit there, expressionless, asking no questions or follow-ups. We must remember that being an exceptional listener sometimes means you have to talk in a strategic fashion. When someone is telling you about a business problem and you say; “Excuse me for interrupting Bob, but do you have an example of that?”, it clearly sends the message that you want to know more. Think about it, you are talking when you are doing it. You are not silent.

Exceptional listening is hard work and takes tremendous practice and concentration, but the payoff continues to be huge both in the world of business and in the game of life.