By Steve Adubato, PhD

Consider the optimistic e-mail sent by then Enron CEO Ken Lay last August to all Enron employees; "I want to assure you that I have never felt better about the prospects for the company."

That's what Ken Lay said. What he did sent a dramatically different message. In the seven months preceding his upbeat e-mail the Enron boss sold nearly 470,000 shares of Enron stock for approximately $30 million.

As we all know, a few months after Ken Lay's e-mail, Enron imploded in a quickly escalating scandal. The Enron stock in employee 401K retirement accounts is now worth virtually nothing.

The Enron case is troubling from a variety of perspectives. One basic, but important issue is that too often there is a contradiction between what people do and what they say. We can analyze every angle of verbal and non-verbal communication, however, in most cases; actions speak louder than words!

By all accounts Ken Lay was an empathetic and effective communicator at Enron. He had a firm handshake, made nice eye contact and spoke in a clear, understandable fashion, yet his actions gave thousands of Enron employees and retirees the shaft while he protected his own nest egg. (Now, Lay is doing all he can not to have to communicate before Congress and explain his actions.)

The bottom line is that Ken Lay's soothing words weren't in sync with his highly questionable actions. Yet the Enron boss isn't alone. What about the manager who says he really appreciates honest feedback but then reams out the first employee who questions or criticizes that same boss' judgment?

It's the cable company that has a recorded phone message saying; "At Cableworld, customer satisfaction is our top priority." The only problem is that when you call for the simplest thing (like clarifying your bill) customer-friendly Cableworld keeps you on hold for 20 minutes listening to the same message about how important you are to them. Don't tell me how much you care-show me!

It's the sales manager who keeps praising a hard working, highly productive salesman yet continues to pass over that same salesman for promotions over and over.

Remember the scene in Jerry McGuire when Jerry, who is the sports agent, is telling his client how much he needs the athlete to stay with him and how much he cares? Jerry, played by Tom Cruise, keeps telling the football player, played by Cuba Gooding, Jr., how much money he can make for him. As you remember, Cuba Gooding keeps yelling at the top of his lungs, "Show me the money!"

Finally, it's the husband who keeps telling his wife how special she is and how much she loves her, yet doesn't even send flowers or acknowledge his wife's birthday or, worse yet, the couple's anniversary.

What do they say? Talk is cheap. The message is simple. Whenever and wherever possible, say what you mean and mean what you say, because actions sometimes do speak a lot louder than words.

Question of the week: When was the last time someone in your life communicated one thing but did something very different? Did their actions speak louder than their words? Come to think of it, when was the last time YOU said one thing and then did another? I know I have. Write to me. We can all learn together.