The Coach's Mailbag by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

A few weeks ago I asked readers to write to me about how they have worked to overcome some of the very natural, and in some cases unnatural, nervousness and anxiety that goes with public speaking. Here is a sampling of what came back.

Angela wrote about her first speech in college; "the professor gave us an outline and sent us home to write our speech. I practiced for weeks…even recorded myself and thought I was going to do an incredible job. Well, when I got up there to do my speech I couldn't make eye contact with anyone and my voice was constantly cracking. I was never able to get my own voice back. If only the professor had put us in smaller groups at first, I feel it would have made a big difference. What confidence does a 19-year-old have in front of all of those students in a class?

Let me steal a line from Bill Clinton and say, "I feel your pain Angela." It is extremely difficult to have confidence as a public speaker the first time out. You are absolutely right that starting in smaller groups helps build that confidence. The other thing that helps is practice. Also, knowing your material. Unfortunately, too many people have terrible memories of that first speech and it turns them off to the experience. I am glad that hasn't happened to you.

Dick Mclean offers this advice to overcome nerves. "Before you speak, take a deep breath, then rise and give your intro while exhaling. Nothing worked for me until I tried this. It gets rid of your start up jitters and relaxes you. Hope this helps someone".

I don't know Dick. I actually tried this and it felt unnatural. But that is not the point. All that matters is that it works for you. And I bet it might in fact help someone else. It's worth a try.

Speaking of interesting approaches to public speaking, I received a great letter from Patrick Lamb who is a stand-up comic. Pat says, "my biggest fear is that I'll look foolish. I'd like to share with you a stage technique that helps reduce my fear; that is not to judge others. It sounds simple but it works because when you judge others, that means in your mind others can judge you, thereby inhibiting you on stage."

Pat then offers an exercise that he says has helped reduce his anxiety level. He calls it the opinions and judgments exercise. Here's how it works. "Once a day I look in the paper or listen to somebody speak in person, on television, or on the radio. I listen for them to make a judgment (Bill Clinton is a jerk) as opposed to an opinion (I think Bill Clinton is a jerk) and I make a distinction whether it is a judgment or an opinion". Pat says this helps him because when he is on stage and someone is looking as if like they don't like his act, he can detach and not worry about what they think. Pat swears by this technique and says it has been extremely helpful in developing his act and reducing his stage fright.

Anthony Esposito works at Chase Manhattan bank and is a CPA. He does PowerPoint presentations that run from 20 minutes to and hour. Here is Anthony's advice; "I never memorize or read verbatim. Instead, I use my PowerPoint notes to list the key points I want to make and then do so in my own words…I try to talk to the audience in a conversational tone as opposed to the monotone that the 'readers' convey." Anthony offers one more tip. "Know your material inside out. Being familiar with a topic is not good enough. I learned this the hard way when I was asked to speak on short notice and tried to wing it." And finally Anthony says even after all the years of giving presentations he still gets a few butterflies and has to take a deep breath and remind himself to "slow down."

I can relate, Anthony, I still get butterflies in communication situations in which I am unfamiliar or when I feel the stakes are especially high. Next week, I will offer more tips and techniques to deal with nervousness and anxiety that comes with having to Stand and Deliver.

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.