Something About Sara
by Steve Adubato, Ph.D. |
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We received a tremendous amount of feedback on a recent column I wrote on our ability (or in comedian Sara Silverman’s case, inability) to receive negative feedback or criticism. That column highlighted how Silverman poorly handled the booing she received after a shortened performance at the Hammersmith Apollo in London.
Fred Honold from Summit, NJ wrote in with the following; “When one is alert and open to the negative feedback, best insights and learning take place…In your article you wrote about the importance of ‘raising your communication to a different level’ when you feel you are losing the crowd. Can you elaborate on these closing points? How does one take their game up another level at such times?”
First, you can acknowledge that your performance is falling short; “Listen, I am feeling a little bit off my game, but I am going to step it up. Really, I promise.” Or, “Let me tell you what I feel most passionately about and what I want everyone to do when I leave this meeting…” The key is to literally turn up your own energy level, because you do acknowledge that you are losing them. If they know that you know, that will make it clear that you care. Once they believe that, you are back on the right track. Great communicators aren’t the ones who never make mistakes. They are the ones who quickly adjust the game when they do.
Joseph Wardy from Randolph shared this; “Sarah Silverman reacted madly to her feedback. My experience tells me that people react either madly, sadly or gladly to feedback. Do you agree? Also, can you offer your thoughts on the passion of self giving, that you referred to in your column, as a means of preventive maintenance?”
Joe, clearly you get it. One of our challenges as communicators is to get into the moment. You have to think through who you are speaking to and what is it that you really want to leave them with? Why do you feel so passionately about this opportunity to connect and share your thoughts as well as learn from others? Much of the communication game is getting yourself in the right frame of mind. However, too many of us go on auto-pilot, which in turn makes us go through the motions. Trust me, if you are not feeling it, neither is your audience.
Finally, Christine Young from Livingston, NJ wrote in with her perspective; “I’m thinking Sarah has become a ‘diva’ who thinks it's perfectly OK to offer up a scant 40 minute show as she believes she is in ‘that’ league now and that she can pull it off now that she is getting lots more hype/coverage regarding her on/off relationship with Kimmel...Lots of entertainers feel they are too big to offer up quality material and they perceive that their mere presence is enough. Some want fame and when they get it, slack off considerably. Non-recognition is the bane of an entertainer's existence, and they forget that.”
Christine, I am not an entertainment critic, but my analysis of Sara Silverman has nothing to do with comedy or entertainment. In the end, no matter what our profession, it is all about effectively communicating to our audience. I can’t get inside Silverman’s head, but I can tell you it feels like she mailed in this particular performance. That is what I mean by “auto-pilot”—convincing yourself you’ve “been there, done that” a thousand times so you just do what you’ve always done. Well, excellent communication doesn’t work that way. Who knows if Sara has learned that hard lesson from London. But what matters to me more is that our readers learn from her experience and give everything they’ve got every chance they get.
Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication
and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart."
Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ
07102, or click here
to contact him through this web site.
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