Fall Mail Bag by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Time to empty out the fall mailbag, so here goes.

Q—My boss continually abuses the English language. Specifically, he’ll use words like “irregardless” and “supposably.” He also starts almost every sentence with “so;” “So, I’m looking for a new car…”, or, “So, I’m having a problem understanding this report…” It has gotten to a point where I simply cringe when I have to interact with him, not to mention it is making him look bad in front of current and prospective clients. Should I say something? If so, what is the best way to address this without jeopardizing my job?

A—Wow. Unfortunately the communication problem that your boss has is something that a significant number of top people in business experience. It is amazing how many executives in the workplace communicate in an embarrassing and awkward version of the English language. It starts as early as high school and it sets in in later years. I see it when I speak in front of high school and college students. They begin every other sentence with the word “like” and incorporate that same word into the body of their speech; “Like, I was studying for this, like, test...” What is that? Some people think this isn’t a problem, but they are dead wrong.

Whether it is in the world of business, a job or college interview, in a sales situation or just interacting with people on a regular basis, when people speak this way, we think less of them. They not only sound unsure, but those listening are put off by their destruction of the English language. We connect it with incompetence and ignorance, even if that is an inaccurate assumption.

As it relates to your boss, frankly it is too late. With most adults who use non-words like “irregardless,” or don’t know how to say “supposedly,” they can’t hear themselves. Simply put, they don’t know what they don’t know. This is a long winded way of saying no, you shouldn’t say something to your boss because A) he won’t understand what you are saying B) he won’t know what to do about it, and C) you run the risk of him resenting you even bringing it up. I’m a big advocate of being candid and direct in your communication, but in a case like this, I’m afraid it may backfire.

Q—I recently submitted a letter of resignation to my employer based on a variety of factors including inconsistent leadership and lack of communication on the part of my supervisors. The HR department has asked that I participate in an exit interview. How candid should I be regarding my dissatisfaction in this interview and is there a benefit to my participating in it?

A—It depends upon how much you actually care about the organization that you are leaving. If it matters to you, then be candid and make it very clear where you feel the organization’s communication efforts fall short. You don’t necessarily need to name names, but be specific about the problem. When you talk about “inconsistent leadership and lack of communication” by your superiors, break that down. Does that mean that they say one thing and do another, or does it mean they communicate multiple messages about the same issue? An exit interview is an opportunity for serious leaders to improve their organization. It can have great value, yet, from my experience, very few organizations take exit interviews seriously. In fact, most don’t even conduct them because either they just want to move on or worse, they don’t want to know. For those who DO conduct exit interviews in a serious way, the payoff is huge. So if you care that much about the organization and its work, then let them know exactly how you feel.

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.