Communicating Ultimatums by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Organizations face conflicts on a regular basis. Personalities, power struggles and turf battles are challenges that must be navigated, mostly through how we communicate or don’t communicate. Much of this delicate navigation is often not done well. Recently, a CEO named Sam was in a protracted battle with Mike, one of his top lieutenants, over a variety of issues. Sam had been the unquestioned organizational leader for years, while Mike was Sam’s protégé who had developed a loyal following of several managers in the organization. The tension was building. Emotions were running high.

While Sam had amassed an impressive track record of ruling and communicating with an iron fist, Mike started pushing back particularly when it came to Sam’s ridiculing him in meetings; “Sam, you are the boss. No one questions that. But I can’t accept you embarrassing me and yelling at me in front of the people who report to me. It is undermining my leadership.” But Sam didn’t see it that way; “Mike, you resist my authority too often. I don’t trust you. Plus, sometimes when I go after you in public I am setting an example for everyone else.”

Mike didn’t buy it. Over time, these two strong-willed leaders pulled apart, which had a devastating impact on the organization’s morale and effectiveness. Finally, Sam decided it was time to test the loyalty of key employees including Bill, who had become especially close to Mike; “Bill, you are going to have to make a choice. I want you to break your ties with Mike. The organization cannot have two leaders. Decide now!”

CEO Sam would confront other employees with the same ultimatum; “Are you with me or with Mike?” A bit dramatic? Perhaps, but leaders often make ultimatums that communicate a powerful message and force employees into a lonely corner. Some questions.

Q—What is the likely impact of Sam issuing an ultimatum like this?

A—Nothing good. Bill (as well as other employees) can only go one of two ways. If Bill breaks from Mike, a mentor of his, he will be seen as disloyal. But he also has great respect for Sam, who is the corporation’s founder and inspirational leader. The third choice is for Bill to do nothing, which will irritate Sam and bring on his wrath. The worst impact is that Bill and others will become disheartened and start hiding information, protecting and shielding themselves and ultimately their work product will suffer. Little good comes from ultimatums, but leaders often issue them without understanding the fallout.

Q—Why would such a strong and smart leader like Sam issue such an ultimatum?

A—There are so many reasons, one of which may be a legitimate effort to keep what he perceives as control over strong personalities in the group. Or, fear of having his leadership questioned by a younger manager who may be seen as a successor by some. Also, Mike tends to instigate Sam by pushing back and arguing when compromising and understanding Sam’s position as leader would make much more sense.

Q—If Mike really respects Sam’s leadership and his seniority, shouldn’t he be the one to break the ice and call for a truce?

A—That would be great, but Mike has dug his heels in. Like Sam he is a stubborn guy. Mistakenly he has made it a matter of principle. So has Sam. They have also made it personal because of their long history together. That is a dangerous mistake. Mike and Sam are powerful leaders immersed in a battle and have a hard time stepping back and seeing the forest from the trees and the devastation they are leaving behind. But that is what great leaders must to do, regardless of their personal and often petty emotions. Unfortunately, leadership struggles like this happen every day in the world of business.

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.