Ending Nervous Communication Habits by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Most of us have nervous communication habits without even realizing it. Our body language speaks volumes, sometimes louder than anything we say. Effective communicators become more aware of these nervous habits and reduce if not eliminate them.

Q—What exactly are “nervous habits” when communicating in public?

A—We’re talking cracking your knuckles, clasping your hand behind your back and squeezing them until your knuckles are white, laughing or giggling, tapping a pen, playing with jewelry (particularly earrings), jiggling coins in your pocket, or rocking back and forth or my favorite, swiveling in a chair for no apparent reason.

Q—What causes these nervous communication habits?

A—Nerves, anxiety, and, most of all, not knowing how to use our bodies to reinforce what we say. When someone asks, “What do I do with my hands?” my answer is, “use them.” Allow your hands to reinforce your words. In conversation with a friend or family member you are never thinking about what to do with your hands, you just use them in a natural way. However, as soon as you present or speak in some formal or business setting, we immediately ask, “What do I do with my hands?” Presenting in public produces negative thoughts. We forget what we know about communicating in a natural and conversational way. As we get caught up in these feelings, we develop these nervous habits as a way to channel our energy. The problem is that they are being channeled in the wrong way and actually take away from our message.

Q—How do audiences usually react to presenters who have these nervous communication habits?

A—Even if people don’t say it or are even aware of it, they are distracted by the pen tapping or the hand wringing or the rocking back and forth. They begin to focus on the nervous habit, which takes them away from you and your message because they can’t focus on both things at the same time. As communicators, we try to project confidence and positive energy. Yet, this nervous communication sends the opposite message, even if it is not our intent. Inevitably when you point these habits out to someone, they say they had no idea they were doing it. Yet, if you realized how others were reacting to you, it would motivate you to do something about it.

A—So, what can a communicator do to get rid of, or at least reduce, these nervous habits?

Q—You may not like the answer, but you have to see yourself on videotape. Hearing someone say that you have a nervous communication habit is one thing, seeing it is quite another. We must see ourselves as others see us. Once we do that and begin to realize that our message and leadership is being adversely affected, again it will motivate us to act. The most important thing you can do is to practice using more productive, constructive non-verbal communication. Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t tap my pen or wring my hands,” the best approach is to practice what you WILL do as an alternative as opposed to what you are going to stop doing.

Practice putting your hands in front of you the next time you present and start using them immediately in your presentation. If you do this, you won’t have to worry about clasping them behind your back or cracking your knuckles. Also, put the pen down so that you have nothing to tap. Get the coins out of your pocket. As for chair swaying, set yourself firmly into the chair, lean forward and become totally engaged in conversation. Listen and be passionate. If you do this, you won’t have the time to swivel in your chair. You will be too busy truly communicating and connecting with other people.

Write to me at sadubato@aol.com about your nervous communication habits.

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.