Communication is Key to Resolving Conflict by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Last week’s column explored an insurance executive named Bob who has a need to win debates and gets into unhealthy arguments. Yet, Bob’s communication mindset is only one of the many causes of unproductive workplace conflict. Effective leaders understand these conflict triggers and work to minimize their impact and address the problem before it gets out of hand. They also have solid communication skills and tools that come in handy when dealing with and resolving conflict.

Q—What are some of the most common causes of conflict in the workplace?

A—Emotional “blind spots” occur when people or situations produce an irrational reaction in us. They may be people that we just don’t like or don’t know how to deal with. This is a “blind spot” for a manager. Additionally, we can have “blind spots” about the need to recognize and reward our people. Often, we think we’re doing just fine, but our employees feel differently. The longer we ignore these “blind spots,” the deeper the conflict becomes.

Another conflict producer is emotional “baggage” or a bad attitude. All of us carry “baggage” and have to manage our own attitudes. Often we don’t realize that all this impacts the way we communicate and manage others. Further, sometimes we are frustrated by a workplace colleague or situation but won’t or can’t confront it directly; rather, we misplace our frustration and direct it toward an innocent party who doesn’t see it coming. You can predict the outcome--CONFLICT.

Q—What communication skills can a manger use when the causes of conflict center on employee differences such as culture, gender, age or work experience?

A—The more diverse workplaces become, the greater potential there is for conflict based on differences. This requires managers to become more active listeners as opposed to simply barking out orders. Great managers clarify potential confusion and impending conflict by asking open-ended questions like; ‘James, when I asked everyone on the team to increase productivity by five percent, what was your reaction?” Then, let Jim speak. Don’t assume that you know what his answer will be. Don’t pass judgment. Another key for managers is to be more “other centered” as opposed to being solely “goal” or “self” centered. Take the time to understand your people and where they are coming from.

Finally, great managers accept and understand that people have “separate realities,” as the late author Richard Carlson liked to say in his powerful book “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.” Understand and accept these different perceptions of reality as a fact of workplace life and you’ll reduce your frustration and begin to deal with conflict more effectively.

Q—How can a manager avoid “playing the blame game,” which you have said is a big source of conflict and poor communication?

A—It’s not easy, but try to become more “solution oriented” the next time something goes wrong. Fight the urge to point the finger of blame. I am still working on it. Blaming causes bad feelings and resentment, and in turn, conflict. Seek to figure out not only what went wrong, but what needs to go right in order to move forward. The more your team sees you as a manger who “seeks solutions,” the less conflict you will have and the more risks team members will take.

Finally, take responsibility when things do go wrong and be accountable, even if you are not 100% convinced that it all falls on you. Doing this communicates a powerful message to your people that they, too, can and should step up and be accountable. See mistakes as an opportunity to grow and learn which in turn will help your team experience less conflict and greater success.

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.