Why Not Better Communication in 2007 by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

It’s not too late to make some important resolutions for the New Year, particularly when it comes to improving your communication both at work and at home. Consider these options:

--Pay more attention to your audience. Instead of being so focused on what you want to say, start thinking more about what your audience wants to hear. As you are communicating, be aware of their body language. Watch their eyes. Do they seem distracted or engaged? If you are not connecting with them, try something different to get them back. If you don’t, everyone loses.

--Ask a trusted colleague to identify two specific actions that you could take to become a more effective communicator. You can do the same thing with a family member. Ask them to be very specific and then periodically get their feedback on how you are doing.

--Take a communication risk and proactively have a candid, constructive conversation with a colleague or a direct report regarding his communication weakness. Make it clear that you are trying to help and that you reaching out to him is part of your effort to become a more proactive communicator.

-- Resolve to stay in the moment when communicating and be more present. Stop multi-tasking! If you are on a conference call, stop looking at your e-mail. If you are in a conversation, stop thinking about the next thing you have to do. Your communication will benefit greatly.

--Resist the temptation to argue and defend yourself simply because someone at work or at home has criticized something you’ve said or done. Consider that what she is saying is simply because it is what she believes. It doesn’t make her wrong or right. It is just her perception. Fight the urge to be defensive. Consider that it is really helpful to know how you are being perceived by others.

--Ask how someone else is doing (and mean it). Most of us start conversations by talking about ourselves and our lives. (Including our problems.) Sometimes it is a lot more effective to ask the other person what is going on in his or her life. At work, ask a colleague who seems to be struggling how you might help. This seemingly little thing can have a huge impact, not only in your communication but in your relationships.

--Send shorter, more concise, e-mails. Think about how you feel when you get a five or six paragraph e-mail with numerous points and messages. It’s confusing and you are not sure how, or to what, you should respond. That’s exactly how other people feel when you send such an e-mail. If your communication requires more than a line or two, maybe it is better to pick up the phone or communicate face-to-face.

--Stop hiding at meetings and hoping you are never asked to say anything. Proactively seek the opportunity to contribute to solving a problem or identifying an opportunity. Ask an important question that no one else has raised. Resolve to be more of a team player in the way you communicate in 2007.

--Assume you are not on the same page instead of believing you are communicating perfectly. Acknowledge that the message sent rarely equals the message received and work harder to clarify any potential confusion by asking questions, paraphrasing and agreeing to what has been said. Not doing this is a prescription for conflict and confusion.

Here’s to all of us working harder and smarter at our communication in 2007.

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.