A Nasty Case of "Um-itis" by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

It’s time to take a closer look at what some have called “um-itis.” You know, that irritating habit many communicators have of using useless phrases and non-words such as “um,” “ah” or their communication cousin’s “like,” “you know” and one of the most irritating, “okay.” Some questions about “um-itis.”

Q—Why are most of us surprised when we are confronted by how often we use these communication fillers even though we know they are counterproductive?

A—Only the most aware communicators actually hear and monitor the way they speak. Most professionals are thrown off by listening to themselves on audiotape or worse, seeing and hearing themselves on video; “Is that what I sound like?” is a common response. We are often oblivious to our “um-itis” because it is easier not to face it much less work to improve our communication in this area.

Q—What about just focusing on not saying “um” or “ah.” Wouldn’t that work?

A—It depends. Consider the patient who goes to the doctor and says; “Doc, it hurts when I move my arm like this.” What kind of doctor would simply say, “Well don’t move your arm like that?” Deciding that you are going to stop saying “um” or “ah” could make you even more self conscious; “I am glad to…ah…be here – oops – sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.” The goal is not to correct your communication in mid-sentence. This will only draw more attention to your use of irritating fillers. Rather, we must work to reduce, if not eliminate, the use of these counterproductive fillers by offering practical alternatives.

Q—What kinds of alternatives are you talking about?

A—The biggest is the use of deliberate and practiced pausing. We don’t understand or appreciate the power of pausing. It is an incredible communication tool if used effectively. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a master at the art of using dramatic pause. However, you can start small. Tell yourself before your next presentation or sales call the following; “I’m going to take my time – I will pause more and be more deliberate when I speak.” Further, commit to letting a particular point you are making or question you are asking sink in before you continue talking.

Q—But couldn’t this pausing technique be taken to an extreme? Couldn’t your pauses become too long and be just as irritating as using “ums” and “ahs?”

A—Absolutely. When it comes to communication, as with most things in life - everything in moderation. Even if your pauses feel too long at first, or you think you are using them too often, simply readjust, shorten the pause and then pick up the pace. The key is to become more comfortable with the sound of silence so that you are confident enough not to feel that sound (whether meaningful language or useless fillers) has to keep coming out of your mouth. “Um-itis” isn’t cured over night. For most of us, it has taken years to develop the problem. Such useless fillers have been incorporated into our communication style. It’s second nature. The first and most important step is to decide to do something about it because we know it is negatively impacting our ability to connect and persuade others. Once you do that, you are on the right communication track.

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.