Long-time Assistant Requires Direct Communication by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Consider a scenario that many leaders face where they often fail to communicate in an effective fashion. Ultimately great leadership is about handling tough situations. It is also knowing how to communicate in a direct, empathetic and diplomatic way.

A CEO has had an executive assistant working with him for over 15 years. The assistant is loyal, committed and has followed the CEO to several different organizations. She sees her career tied directly to his advancement, but there is a problem. For several years now, the executive assistant’s work has been less than acceptable.

When the CEO has tried on numerous occasions to give objective feedback to his assistant, it is met with a highly emotional response. (“Jim, why didn’t YOU remind ME to tell you about that upcoming meeting? You’ve always done that in the past. What’s changed?”)

What’s changed is that the CEO’s span of control is even greater, his challenges are more complex and the number of people he must deal with has grown. Therefore the job of his key assistant has changed as well, except the person in it has remained the same, either refusing to grow or incapable of gaining new skills.

Q—So now what? Clearly a change must be made, but emotions, history and feelings are involved. What’s your advice?

A—This is a tough one, but it must be addressed. The CEO’s responsibility is ultimately to the organization and the team members who are committed to working toward the team’s goals. Of course, he feels loyal to his long time assistant, who continually says if she loses this job she has nowhere to go. However, he’s got to bite the bullet and sit face to face with her and say, “Jane, we’ve had numerous conversations about how the organization has grown and your job has changed. For instance, I need someone who is able to do ABC. For whatever reason, that hasn’t worked out. It is time to make a change. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me over the years, but if I don’t make this change, then I’m not the leader I should be. I’m reassigning you to Bob, who really needs someone with your skills.”

Q—But what if Jane freaks out and starts getting emotional, as she has done in the past, and says something like; “After all I’ve done for you, how can you do this to me?”

A—Remain calm and stay focused on the issue at hand, which is about job performance. Don’t react to Jane’s emotions or debate the “fairness” of what is being done. It’s what Richard Carlson, author of the “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” series, calls the “Theory of Separate Realities.” Your reality as team leader is one Jane could never understand no matter how hard she tries. Don’t try to convince her of your reality. Just try to stay focused; “I’m sorry you feel that way, but again, I need to do this for the organization and am confident you will make a meaningful contribution working directly with Bob.”

Q—If Jane in turn has a bad attitude and starts sulking and badmouthing the company and CEO, what then?

A—If it lasts for any more than a day or so, don’t meet with her alone. Bring in your head of HR and take the communication to the next level. Make it clear to Jane that no matter how she feels, the organization will not accept this behavior. Let your HR person do most of the talking. The expression, “it’s only business,” grossly over simplifies the often complex relationships that develop in the workplace. For many, it IS highly personal, and you can’t ignore the human element when communicating at work. However, in the final analysis a leader’s job is to protect the organization and its larger goals. Write to me to tell me how you have handled a comparable situation.

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.