In Communication "Small" Things Make a Big Difference by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

When it comes to communication, often it is the “small stuff” that makes a big difference. We get caught up in thinking that great communication is all about being a superior orator, a savvy debater and a super sales person who knows how to close. But great communication is really about connecting with other people, which helps build and foster relationships—the cornerstone of professional success. But what kind of communication “small stuff” are we really talking about?

Q—What small things can have an immediate positive impact on those you communicate with?

A—Start with adopting a positive attitude. No matter how great a speech maker you may be, if you have a negative attitude and don’t particularly like people, you aren’t going to connect. Having a positive attitude often translates into you doing a range of other small things that others will appreciate. .

Q—What kind of things are we talking about?

A—Your smile. Do you consistently smile when greeting other people or do you walk around with a frown? How comfortable are you smiling or do you incorrectly assume that people won’t take you seriously in business if you do? A genuine, open smile is one of the most powerful and underutilized communication tools available to us. Amazingly, when you smile at someone else (even if they are not in a great mood) that other person tends to smile back. It loosens things up, defenses are dropped and a more relaxed conversation can ensue.

Q—What about listening? Is that a small thing?

A—Most of us say we want to be better listeners, but we often feel too busy or rushed to get it right. Listening isn’t about getting it perfect. Great listening is, again, about the small things. It is about making a decision in a given moment that the other person is worth listening to. It is deciding to be present and to stop obsessing about whatever is going on in your life and actually be interested in someone else. If you can do these mental and emotional gymnastics, you will be in a position to truly listen. If you don’t, you will be faking it—trying to appear as if you are listening while the other person knows that you are not.

Q—Why is it so hard to do the small things when communicating?

A—It’s not, really. But most people are oblivious that these small things even exist. They don’t realize that diverting their eyes away from you in conversation is a sign of disrespect or disinterest. How many of us actually think about our eye contact? Again, great communication is a question of awareness. How many of us drone on about OUR lives, OUR problems, OUR stuff without thinking to very simply, but powerfully, ask; “Hey Joe, how is everything going with your kids? Didn’t you tell me your son Jimmy started little league this week?” That small comment about your colleague’s son playing little league is a very big deal to him. People love when you ask about THEIR kids, THEIR lives, about THEM. People love when you use their name in conversation. They also love it when you write personal notes to say thank you or congratulations. All small thing paying big dividends. But yet, how many of us even consider these things? Unfortunately, most think communication just happens naturally, but it doesn’t. Great communication is about hard work, being empathetic, genuinely caring and making it a priority to work on the little things that connect in a big way.

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.