The Dangers of Playing the "Blame Game" by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Playing the blame game, pointing fingers, publicly criticizing the “mistakes” of your teammates or colleagues after things go wrong and the team falls down is never a good thing. Surprisingly, that’s what two of the NFL's most articulate and effective communicators did after recent playoff losses.

The Giants’ Tiki Barber said after an embarrassing first round defeat; “I think in some ways we were out-coached. It was obvious. They knew what we were doing. We didn't adjust....” Ouch! Imagine being Tom Coughlin and hearing that.

Quarterback Peyton Manning said this after the Colts’ disappointing loss last weekend; “I’m trying to be a good teammate here...Let’s just say we had some problems in protection...” That’s another way of saying his offensive line (which is supposed to protect the quarterback) didn’t do their job.

Here's the catch; Even if true, nothing good comes from such blunt public communication. Both Barber and Manning are experienced communicators but they knew as soon as they uttered these hurtful words that there would be fallout. Some questions;

Q—Whether it’s football or business, isn’t candor better? Weren’t Tiki Barber and Peyton Manning accurate?

A—That’s not the point. Being right is sometimes overrated when it comes to teamwork or dealing with people. If they were being truly candid, shouldn’t the performance of other teammates who fell short also be criticized? Where does the blame end? When emotions are involved, people being criticized react to what they perceive as unfair criticism. Some of these people start pointing fingers back and the downward spiral begins. Ultimately performance and execution is adversely affected.

Q—Why do otherwise accomplished communicators make basic mistakes like this?

A—A loss of concentration and awareness. Sometimes I call it going on “auto-pilot,” which in this case means speaking without thinking of the consequences. Manning and Barber are solid communicators but they are also human beings who make mistakes. Your goal is to increase awareness of how your communication may be perceived and monitor it. Of course, candor has its place, but so does tact and discretion.

Q—If you are upset and caught up in the heat of the moment, what’s the best approach to take when communicating after things have gone wrong?

A—Monday morning quarterbacking (excuse the pun) is easy, but take as much time as you can BEFORE speaking in public and decide on your primary message. Your mind is racing, but you must stop, take a deep breath and understand that the communication challenge you are about to face after the game or business interaction is just as important as the event itself. Doing this separates the average communicators from the really great ones.

Q—But how do you minimize the damage after you do something like Barber and Manning did?

A—Interestingly, Barber immediately acknowledged that he was wrong to blame the coaching staff. To his credit, he stepped up and took responsibility for his comments. While he was still criticized by many, it would have been worse if he hadn’t done that. Also, apologize directly to those affected by what you’ve said. Peyton Manning should have spoken to each of his offensive linemen and apologized; “Listen, it was in the heat of the moment. Like you, I was frustrated and upset. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I didn’t play as well as I should have. I hope you will understand and accept my apology.”

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.