Communication Chaos in the Office by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Carl has been the top manager in an office dominated by women supervisors and employees for about a decade. Most of Carl’s staff is loyal and dedicated to him and his mission. Carl is also a little gruff and rigid but stands behind his people 100%.

A few months ago, a new deputy to Carl was hired, named Carol. She wasn’t his choice, but upper management insisted. Carol had some friends in high places. Immediately there was friction between Carol and Carl. Carol felt like an outsider and began to question Carl’s management style and the work habits of his favorite supervisors. Things deteriorated from there.

Soon an incident occurred in which Carol and Jane (Carl’s top supervisor) got into a heated exchange in front of others. Immediately workers picked sides and Carl lobbied heavily on Jane’s behalf. An outside mediator was brought in. Little if anything was resolved. Today, Carl and Carol’s relationship is worse than ever and their office morale is terrible. Everyone was on pins and needles and the communication environment became toxic.

Q—How common is this situation?

A—Very common. Workplace confrontations drive much of the disjunction and poor communication in offices and teams. The biggest reason for this phenomenon is the often unrealistic expectations that people of all shapes, sizes and styles can and will come together for a common goal.

Q—But things in this particular office were fine until Carol came along. So isn’t it her fault?

A—Not necessarily. Assume Carol is a bit nasty and gossipy. Carl even says she is irrational in her every day communication. Yet, if she is there to stay (which she is), it is incumbent on the team leader and other experienced managers to step up and find ways to lessen the tension and bring people together. Blaming Carol is the easy way out.

Q—But what kind of things can they actually do?

A—First, they can have a facilitated sit-down with all parties involved—one where Carol is given the opportunity to express her “concerns.” This must be done in a safe, supportive environment where people can be candid without repercussions. But Carol also needs to hear how others feel when she speaks to them in a condescending tone. Carol really needs to be marginalized but not ostracized. By allowing her to engage employees in counterproductive gossip, Carl has allowed Carol to wreak havoc.

Q—But wouldn’t giving Carol such a forum give her more power?

A—Not at all. If Carl leads the discussion (or an outside facilitator if necessary) in a direction to take specific steps, the sting will be taken out of Carol’s bite. The communication isn’t really about her, but rather about how to improve the way the office operates and the way the people interact with each other. An additional goal is to help Carol feel that she really has a place in this close-knit, somewhat clannish work environment.

Q—What should the tone of the communication be toward Carol?

A—All participants must be required to offer specific suggestions as to how they would improve the office operation. Carol’s suggestions should be acknowledged and included with the others. Finally, after such a session, Carl and his team need to kill Carol with kindness and consideration, no matter how irritating it gets. Over time, she will find it more difficult to keep up her negative communication. She can’t keep punching if she isn’t being punched back.

Finally, the current situation is counterproductive and driving him crazy. Something has to change.

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.