Coach's Mailbag by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Readers have sent in many great questions regarding various communication issues. Following are just a few.

Q—Jack Fredman of Newark, NJ, wrote in with the following question; “It seems that many speakers lack a sense of time. As a public speaker, other than audience members napping, how does one know when it’s been just about long enough?”

A—The best thing to do is err on the side of brevity. Next, as soon as you go up to the podium, take your watch off and put it right in front of you. Make sure you can see it. Most speakers never look at their watches. Plus, if they do when it’s on their wrist, it looks really stupid, not to mention distracting.

Get in touch with your audience. Beyond napping, audience members do a lot of other things that communicate their boredom. They slouch, don’t make eye contact, take out their Blackberries and a few of them actually get up and take a “bathroom break” even if they don’t need one. Look for those cues and if you see them, wrap it up quickly or turn it up a notch. Get out from behind the podium and get closer to your audience. Ask a provocative question of an audience member and get them involved.

Q—Anthony Molinaro, a retired educator from West Orange, asks, “How important is grammar and syntax when communicating in public?”

A—Simply put, grammar and syntax matter a lot. If a corporate executive says, “Yous guys have to get on the ball,” (I’ve actually heard this and worse) it communicates a pretty powerful message. It says no matter how good the guy might be, he is not very professional or polished on his feet. People whisper behind his back and make fun of the way he speaks in public. None of that is good for any professional trying to move up the ranks. Your best bet is to go to the bookstore and pick up Strunk and White’s book, “The Elements in Style.” It’s a great resource on basic grammar and syntax.

Q—Jennifer Mitchell (a pseudonym, as this person asked to remain anonymous) recently wrote in about her micromanaging boss. Mitchell says she works for someone who is very controlling and has to be involved in every level of the organization. Says Mitchell, “Other supervisors feel the same way. We have joined forces and put a presentation together to deliver to my manager and director. I have been designated as the spokesperson.” Mitchell is concerned of the repercussions of approaching her boss on his micromanaging tendencies, but knows something must be done and asks the best way to proceed.

A—Jennifer, you are smart to be wary. Some micromanagers micromanage out of a need to control everything around them, which is of course impossible. How your micromanaging boss receives and perceives your presentation is also based on your relationship with him. Have you ever been candid with him about his style in the past? What was his reaction? Is he defensive in general? Further, will you have the support of others in the group when you were presenting? And consider this, don’t make the presentation simply about “the boss’s micromanaging style.” Reframe the presentation and discussion around the bigger picture question of “how the team can function more effectively.” Depersonalize it and in the course of your presentation ask the boss how he feels his “management style” impacts on the team. Then ask individual team members (that you’ve already discussed this with) how the boss’s management style could be improved. Keep it up beat and positive with the overriding message, “As good as we are, we can always be better.”

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.