Coach's Mailbag by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Tom Sullivan, President of Princeton Partners, Inc., a PR and Marketing firm located in Princeton, NJ, responded to a column on avoiding the trap of a busy mind. According to Sullivan; “My personal goal for Princeton Partners is to make it a great company with a wide-reaching impact on the quality of people’s lives. I have developed specific big ideas to achieve that vision, most of which have come during my vacations or in those rare quiet moments on a lazy Sunday afternoon in my backyard.” Sullivan says that it is critical to keep your eye on the big picture and to find time for quiet reflection to clear your mind.

You are so right, Tom. Most people say they can’t find the time to clear their mind because they are so caught up in meeting deadlines. But it is a question of priorities and an issue of thinking and acting in a strategic fashion. Too many people are “really busy,” but that should never be confused with truly being constructive.

Brian Cody of Smith Barney and has built his practice by presenting to people regarding financial planning. This is pretty powerful stuff. Cody feels that a critical aspect of the presenting is to love what you are talking about. Says Cody, “You must create word pictures and a story line for your presentation so you feel comfortable in a free-flowing speech.” He says that when painting this picture, it is different when communicating one-on-one as compared to a group. When in front of a group Cody says you have to generalize more, but in both cases, you need to remember that people are visually oriented and they want to know that you are aware of what is important to them.

Good stuff, Brian. The best communicators paint the most vivid pictures through words, vocal intonation and visual images, even when it comes to communicating about finances.

Michelle Lubaczewski from Allentown, NJ, has a question regarding conflict resolution. “Both at work and in my personal life, I have found myself helping others to resolve their conflicts and disputes. I have become a sounding board to my peers and family members. It’s rewarding. However, sometimes I question whether I am getting too involved, to the point where others aren’t learning how to resolve things on their own.” Michelle is looking for a better balance while still using her communication skills to assist friends, family and professional colleagues.

Here is the thing, Michelle. There is no exact science when it comes to this stuff. If your goal is to have everyone appreciate your efforts, forget it. Sometimes if you don’t tell people what they want to hear, you are the bad guy. Yet, if you find yourself communicating the same advice to the same people about the same issues, create an internal deadline. Commit to telling the parties involved that this is the last time you’ll mediate their differences. Tell them they must use the same tools on their own and then stick to your promise. If you don’t, they’ll always expect you to rescue them.

Jorge Oyola Jr. from Jersey City wrote in after reading last week's column regarding using your Web site as a communication tool. Says Oyola, “I don't have a Web site, but I do have my own business. I am entertaining the idea of putting up a Web site, but I don't know how to get started. Where do I begin?”

The best thing you can do is to look at other people’s Web sites. Take note of what you like and what you don’t. Then, ask other entrepreneurs who they’ve used to provide the technical support necessary to build a site. Finally, accept that building a successful Web site will always be a work in progress.

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, or click here to contact him through this web site.