by Steve Adubato, PhD

Sometimes, when we communicate, we have to filter and edit ourselves. Not just in terms of the length of what we communicate, but rather the tenor and tone as well as the substance of what we say.

Recently, a top sales executive went into a sales presentation worth a lot of money. In the course of the meeting, the sales executive veered off on to a very controversial topic having nothing to do with the business at hand. More specifically, the executive began to express his view on a series of sensitive issues regarding the role of women in society. It happened to be that the decision maker on the client end was a top female executive. The sales person proceeded to say things like; “You know what the problem is with women today? They want it all. They want to be successful in business, but get married and have a family. They are too selfish and just don’t understand that sometimes you have to make choices. I liked it better when the role of women was a lot clearer than it is today.”

It was obvious to any observer that the female client was getting increasingly agitated. She tried several times to remind the sales rep that she only was interested in a discussion about how his firm could help her company. But the sales rep would have none of it. He continued to go on ad nauseam with his “opinions” about a whole range of societal issues. Finally, once the female client became totally exasperated she excused herself, cutting the meeting short, saying, “There is really no reason for us to continue talking. I was really hoping we could do business together but it is clear that is not going to happen.”

After the meeting, the sales rep insisted that he was “absolutely right” in his presentation. When challenged by those in his organization, he kept repeating that all he was doing was expressing his “opinion” and that the woman executive should have been “able to handle it.” Well, particularly when it comes to sales, business development, fundraising or any communication in which you are trying to complete a transaction where the person on the other end is holding the purse strings, offensive communication of this type has no place. A professional who is seeking to close deals and build relationships doesn’t have the luxury of simply going around saying; “I’m just expressing my opinion” in venues and circumstances that make such controversial and provocative communication not only out of place, but totally counterproductive.

When it comes to communication, circumstances matter. Venues matter. Who is holding the purse strings matters. The expression, “It’s not the time or the place” makes a lot of sense when it comes to the communication challenges described above. It could be totally appropriate to share your opinion on a whole range of sensitive and controversial issues including religion, gender, politics or race relations. However, the question becomes, where and when? It could be at a social situation or even at a family gathering or community meeting dealing specifically with these issues. But it is absolutely inappropriate, not to mention ineffective, to engage in such communication involving more traditional business and sales situations.

Remember, saying you are just “expressing an opinion” may sound innocuous, but in the wrong circumstance when the stakes are high, the outcome can be devastating.