By Steve Adubato, PhD

We communicate all the time. At work, home and in social situations. We send messages through the tone of our voice and the use of facial gestures. Consider George W. Bush's "smirk." Is it his intent to convey smugness or arrogance? He may not even know he's smirking, but he is communicating.

When you use e-mail or the phone to deliver unpleasant news instead of having a face-to-face conversation, the recipient may feel you are showing disrespect.

When you give a long business presentation (PowerPoint can be especially tedious), you may think you are showcasing your knowledge. But the audience may see you as a pompous know-it-all with no interest in engaging them.

When you continually interrupt someone, you are saying, "I don't really care what you have to say." Conversely, if you listen intently and offer verbal ("Tell me more") and non-verbal (head-nodding) encouragement, people will sense that you really care about their words. Listening is a powerful communication tool.

We can express joy with a smile, or relief (or disgust) with a sigh. A roll of the eyes can denote sarcasm. Folded arms can tell people we don't want to communicate at all.

Each week, this column will deal with the ways we communicate. It will explore the art of public communication (speeches, meetings and video-conferencing) as well as the puzzle of interpersonal communication. The column also will touch on leadership, persuasion, negotiation and human nature. It will provide tangible techniques and tools to help you get messages across more effectively.

This advice will be relevant to people in business, parents who want to improve their listening skills, or anyone who wants to become a more aware and focused communicator. These skills can greatly improve the quality of our relationships and the quality of our lives.

I have been a communication consultant and coach for over a decade. I earned a Ph.D. in the field because I wanted to understand more about how communication works. I have come to see it as more of a craft than a science. I lecture at Rutgers University and have had the honor of teaching and learning from thousands of students.

As a state legislator in the mid-'80s, I saw that the best communicators usually were the most effective leaders. Not necessarily the people who talked the most, but those who engaged others and had the ability to find common ground.

As a broadcaster, I interview people from all walks of life. I've seen compelling and compassionate speakers as well as those who have a problem getting to the point or who are obsessed with what I call "techno-jargon."

Running a communications firm and a TV production company has taught me about sales, marketing and working with other people. But my fascination with communication also is driven by my experiences as a father, son, brother, friend, colleague and husband who has made countless mistakes in this area.

Calling yourself a communications consultant or coach doesn't mean you have this whole thing figured out. Far from it. For me, it means being more aware of my strengths and weaknesses, as well as those of others, and finding ways to create a healthier, more constructive communication environment.

Truth is, we rarely relay messages as effectively as we think we do, and we miscommunicate more than we want to believe. The purpose of this column is to help readers get a better handle on how this communication thing works. Hopefully, it will engage readers in a two-way, interactive experience. I look forward to your comments, questions and criticism. Praise is okay, too. Let me know about real-life situations at home that you might like another perspective on. Finally, thanks for reading. I am excited to be your "communication coach."

See you next week. Same day. Same space.